I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize