swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
