Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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