I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
