Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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