Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to rekindle our bromance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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