First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
