you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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