Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
