I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
