drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
