Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Found the puke drawer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
