is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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