I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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