i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize