my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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