it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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