I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
