We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
