Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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