You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
