She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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