Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im on a boat
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