Only a mothe r could love this liver
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
