I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My vagina is very pro this idea
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