Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
