Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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