Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
