So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
