I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
