he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
