So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
