I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
