It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
