Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
