dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
