I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
