Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
