It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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