i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
