I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
