Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I believe in your delicious
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
