Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
