Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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