Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
