how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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