I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
