goodnight i made you a song goodbye
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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