And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
