can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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