hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
