omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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