I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize