so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
