We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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