Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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