i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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