i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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