If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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