I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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