Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
