I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
