yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
