coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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