I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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