Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
