Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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