I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
