I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
