we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
